As an autism mom, I often find myself caught in a whirlwind of thoughts about the unknowns. I try my best not to dwell on them, but when so many significant aspects of Courtney’s life are uncertain, it becomes a challenge to push those worries aside. Most of these uncertainties revolve around her education. I never imagined I’d be questioning Courtney’s schooling in such a well-regarded district, one of the top in the state—and almost the country. Yet here we are, wondering much longer she will be at her current school and where she will go next.

Some might say it’s a positive sign that the district recognizes they cannot meet her needs. Perhaps I’m still too frustrated with the journey we’ve taken to appreciate that perspective. If only there had been more consistency over the years—after all, Courtney had five teachers in just two years—maybe we wouldn’t be facing this situation now. But then again, who truly knows?

The real question now is: which school can best meet her needs? The uncertainty weighs heavily on my heart. We stand at a crossroads, unsure which school will come closest to providing the support she requires, especially since options for therapeutic schools with openings are limited. I don’t want to settle for a place that is merely “better than the alternative.” I want her to be somewhere that not only accepts her but also nurtures her unique strengths and helps her thrive. I dream of a school that will empower her to reach her highest potential—whatever that may look like—and guide her toward becoming a “functional” adult in this unpredictable world.

This leads me to the most daunting unknown of all: What will adulthood be like for Courtney? What will her life look like after I’m no longer here to support her? I work hard to keep those thoughts at bay, but they creep in nonetheless. Just the other day, during a visit to a restaurant she’s loved since birth, I found myself questioning whether we would ever enjoy outings as a family again since she only lasted 10 minutes. What about our cherished vacation spots?

So Many Unknowns!!!! No wonder I struggle sleeping at night!

But for now, I need to focus on the one unknown that demands my attention: finding Courtney a new school. What’s the latest update, you ask? Recently, we toured a school on Halloween that piqued our interest. While there were some concerns, there were also aspects we truly appreciated. Tomorrow, they’re coming to observe Courtney at her current school. I’m crossing my fingers and toes that it goes as it should. I hope they can see just how incredibly special she is and that they would be fortunate to welcome her into their community.

In the midst of all these uncertainties, I remind myself to hold onto hope. Each step I take, each decision I make, is a step toward a brighter future for Courtney. And while the unknowns may seem overwhelming at times, I believe that with love, determination, and the right support, we can navigate this journey together.