I ended today feeling burnt out, a pretty common feeling but tonight felt different. It even had me extra snippy with my family. It finally dawned on me why.

Every six months, the company that provides several hours of therapy with Courtney has to update their “care plan” for insurance to help show how many hours of therapy Courtney needs. The company has to show data that shows why she requires the significant amount of hours they are requesting. One way they do this is have the parents fill out a formalized questionnaire. Well, today I had to fill out this very lengthy questionnaire.

I know full well that in reality this questionnaire means absolutely nothing. Yet every time I have to fill it out it gives a little tug on the heart as it reminds me how far behind Courtney is in most areas of development. For some reason I struggled with it more this time. It finally hit me why. In the past 6 months Courtney has made some amazing gains in the area of communication. Gains I wasn’t sure she would ever make in the near future. Gains that have me shouting from the mountain top. Today I met this stupid questionnaire crush me and my excitement for those gains. Today I let this stupid questionnaire diminish how amazing my little girl is doing. And let me tell you, that sucked the life out of me.

I know it’s all formality. I know it means nothing about how Courtney is really doing but today I let that questionnaire win and suck the life out of me.

Oh Courtney, I don’t need a standardized test to tell me how you are doing. You are doing amazing. You are making the progress you need to make. You are a rock star and I couldn’t be more proud of you!