The Future…

I don’t know if I will ever share this post. There are some thoughts I’m just not sure I can share. Today my future was staring me in my face. I was at Lifetime Fitness doing my workout and some young adults with special needs came in the area I was working out in. They weren’t there to work out though. They were there with a lady and they were there to volunteer. They were there to clean the equipment.  Like every mom, I have had dreams for my girls since the day they were born. Words can’t explain the emotions you feel as a mom when you slowly watch those dreams not become possible. There are days where I can tell myself that I still have dreams for Courtney, they are just different, but there are moments that it hurts to think those original dreams are gone. I watched these young adults clean workout equipment and all I can think about was how that wasn’t what I dreamed for my little girl. I know what some of you are thinking…she’s 3, how the hell do I truly know those original dreams of mine for her aren’t possible. Very true. When it comes to autism, there is no way of knowing. What I do know though is my daughter at the age of 3 is a good 2 years behind in most areas when it comes to development. As a teacher, the students that I have taught in the years past who were that low when I had them in preschool, are still needing all the support when it comes to life skills. I don’t want to sound like I have already given up hope, but I do feel I also have to be realistic. The hopeful side is still holding on to some of those dreams, but the realistic side knows that it is very likely that my daughter may be cleaning exercise equipment as a volunteer with an adult near by teaching her how to do it some day.

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