The girls and I were driving to church this morning when suddenly I was hit by a wave of emotions. We were sitting at a stop light and I had glanced back and got a look at Courtney’s beautiful eyes. Two years ago at 4 a.m. on November 6th, I came so close to never being able to look in those beautiful eyes ever again. So close to never seeing Alyssa’s contagious smile. I was not prepared for that wave emotions. I’m sure these emotions will probably pop up every year. I struggled for a few hours. Today was All Saints Day at church. The day where we honor the saints in our lives that have passed away. Members of the congregation light a candle for those saints in their lives. It was so hard not to think that a candle was almost lit for me. I finally decided at that moment to do something about it. I got up and lit a candle for all the mother’s who died from Amniotic Fluid Embolisms while giving birth. After I lit that candle I was able to say, “I’m glad to be alive”.
Boy am I glad to be alive. I got to witness the first 2 years of this little whipper snapper. This little girl brings such joy to our lives. She also has learned how to test our patience!!! I have signed a breath of relief through every milestone. I have watched her become the best little “big” sister to “CC”. I have watched her struggle to crawl, learn to walk, and eat like I have never seen a kid eat. Her and I have spent many hours taking Courtney to her therapy sessions, hiding up stairs during Courtney’s sessions that are at home, and sleeping next to each other in the middle of the night as she has taken over our bed. I love getting to see the many faces of Alyssa. Seriously, she has the cutest looks! In just 2 years, I’ve had so many conversations (that I don’t know a single word that she said) with her just wanting to scream tears of joy because she is actually having a conversation with me. I can’t even begin to imagine missing any of those moments…even the tantrums!
Because I’m alive, tomorrow, November 6th, I get to celebrate her being 2. Yes, that was the scariest day of our lives 2 years ago, but that day brought us Alyssa. Alyssa Jeanne, we love you to the moon and back! Happy Birthday!