Oh Courtney, I need some insight. I need you for one moment to let me know how you feel about decisions I have made and continue to make. I need to know if I’m fighting hard enough for you. I need to know if I’m pushing you too hard or can you handle more. I sure there are times you are trying to answer these questions in your own ways but mommy need more of your insight.
But first, let me tell you how very proud I am of you. You are finishing up your 2nd year of preschool and your second year of a full schedule of therapies and you more than exceeded all my expectations of the year. You not only showed us that you can handle a longer school day but you can handle a larger class. You showed us you can handle you long school day on top of many hours of therapy. You not only showed us that you can handle a whole different communication system but you also started letting us hear your voice more! And my sweet girl, it’s such a beautiful voice! You truly are a little rockstar!
So my little rockstar, now that this year is over, can you let me know if you are truly ok with your placement? Is it meeting your needs? I know I’m the mom and the special education teacher that is suppose to know but I don’t and I feel so helpless. See, here’s the deal, because I’m that crazy mom, I’m still worried it’s not the right placement. And because I’m that crazy mom, I feel I need to keep fighting.
Now let’s talk your very busy therapy schedule. You amaze me on how well you handle it. Can you handle more? Can our family handle more? Will you resent me for making you “work” as many hours at the age of 4 that a grown adult does? Oh Courtney, if you could only share how you feel.
So promise me this…I know you can’t do it verbally but promise me you will let me know if I’m fighting too hard or not fighting enough. Tell me if your days are too long. Tell me the best way you can… your voice, your talker, your behaviors. How ever you need to communicate it, you do it. Please know that every decision I make is out of love. You are my rockstar and nothing will ever change that!
One thought on “Dear Courtney…”
Erin. Your words are so wonderful and wise. Courtney seems to be responding “thanks Mom I’m going to make it!” I see it in her smile. I see it in the words she’s learned and her ability to use her talker. You are an amazing team. You are so generous to share your experiences. Others are going to learn. From youn
I am so proud of you and your beautiful family. And I’m sure your beautiful angel knows how much she is loved.