Blaming Autism

Sometimes there are days where I blame everything on autism. Not Courtney, she can’t help that she has autism. I blame it on autism. There are just those days where I need something to blame for so many things and on those really bad days I am able to find it all falls on autism.

I have blamed autism for arguments between joe and I. I have blamed autism for my constant feeling of exhaustion. I have blamed autism for feeling burnt out as a teacher. I’ve blamed autism for my inability to organize the house. Heck, I’ve found ways to blame autism for my hang nails!

This week has been one of those weeks where I have found myself blaming autism for things that just happen at no fault of anything at all. This has done nothing but leave me hating autism instead of embracing it. It has left me mad at myself for hating it.I don’t want to hate autism. Autism doesn’t need to be a bad thing. Because autism is this beautiful little girl with big blue eyes that are absolute daggers when you look at them. Autism is a belly laugh that is so contagious you can’t help but join in. Autism is filled with little moments that cause huge celebrations.

So Autism, you may be tough, you may challenge me and I may blame you for a lot of things, but know that will always see the beauty you brought to our family.

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