Back to school, 2020. It was suppose to be the year with the least amount of changes for all of us. Joe and I were going to be in our usual positions, Courtney was going to have the same teacher at the same school with the same therapists. Alyssa was going to have the same teacher at the same school. We were changing nannies again, but it was back to Savannah so that wasn’t going to throw that big of a wrench into things. It was suppose to be a smooth transition. Well thanks to Covid…transitioning into this new school year is everything but what it was suppose to be.
Here is how the school year is really looking…Joe is back to school but teaching remotely from his classroom. I am back to school teaching remotely from my classroom and home. Courtney started school today…remotely. And Alyssa starts next week…remotely. If you follow me on Facebook, you probably noticed that anytime I talked about the start of the school year I used the following hashtags; #remotesucks #schoolsnotsafe #imissmystudents #fuckitall Well…those 4 hashtags still hold true after 3 weeks of remote teaching for me and 3 days into remote learning for Courtney.
Courtney’s first day was on Tuesday. Honestly, I am so proud of how she is doing. And my superhero, Savannah (the nanny), is taking on the duty of home school teacher like a pro. But my heart is also breaking. 3 days in and the aggression is skyrocketing. 3 days in and Savannah is going home with scratches and bruises up and down her arm. 3 days in of me being back and forth from teaching remotely in school and teaching remotely from home causing Alyssa’s separation, anxiety to skyrocket and her remote learning hasn’t even begun. 3 days in and mom guilt has hit so hard that all I can do is cry. I know, all of this is to be expected as we start a year like no other. 3 days in and I question, will we emotionally survive this wether in school or not. 3 days in and I just want to scream #fuckitall over and over again.
But I can’t throw in the towel. My family needs me. My family needs this to work no matter how it looks. My family has a strong support team and we will lean on them and we will make this work. So yes, I still say #remotesucks #schoolsnotsafe #imissmystudents #fuckitall but let me add…#wevegotthis!