The emotions a parent goes through on the day of their child with autism birthday is hard to explain. It’s definitely one of those moments that unless you have a child with autism, you will never understand. In fact, you may even question our emotions? I can almost hear the comment, “can’t you just enjoy their special day?”

That’s exactly it! We want to enjoy their special day! We want to enjoy just like everyone else gets to enjoy their child’s special day. But it’s hard to enjoy their special day when you don’t even know if they comprehend that it’s their special day.

Did we celebrate it the way Courtney wanted to celebrate it?

Did she have fun?

Did she get the presents she wanted?

Did she enjoy her cake?

Does she even know it’s her birthday?

She can’t answer these questions so I honestly don’t know.

So I’m left with basing it all on body language, her facial expressions, her mood, her noises, etc. Based on those? Well, she attacked me when I tried to put her penguin birthday shirt on her because it wasn’t pajamas (mind you she had pajama pants on, she seemed indifferent about her presents, and she barely even looked at the adorable polar bear and penguin cupcakes. Did she enjoy her birthday?

I forgot to mention the strongest emotion I feel on her birthday each year. The emotion of though she is another year older, she is still so far behind those her age,

I know, I should just enjoy her on her special day. Which I did. I just also think it’s healthy for us special needs moms to acknowledge all the emotions we feel.