I blamed Autism today. Not sure why I did but I did. Autism was so indirectly involved in the moment that broke me today, yet I still blamed Autism. The moment broke me hard too.
First some back story. Alyssa can’t always tolerate Courtney’s noises. It’s a significant issue that will cause some pretty tough moments in our house. One way we are trying to handle it is by giving Alyssa options like going to another room or putting on headphones. So today when Alyssa was in one of her moods she chose to put on headphones. She was using the headphones to listen to a movie on an iPad. Her and I were also trying to bake some muffins. Alyssa made a move at one point and the cord knocked over a whole muffin pan of cupcake batter. My reaction scared Alyssa to tears. You know the book, “Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk”? Well, I bawled my eyes out over spilt batter. I lost control of all that was happening around me. I didn’t even know where to begin to start cleaning up the mess. While trying to figure that out and gain composure, the girls were still needing one thing after another including Courtney grabbing a yogurt out of the fridge and trying to feed it to herself. The penguin on her shirt got more yogurt than she did so yet another mess. I got through the moment just as Joe got home from his workout and in time for me to leave for my workout. Everyone survived.
So when and why did I blame autism? Before I left for my workout I vented via text to my good friend by sending her the picture of the mess and saying “I blame Autism”. How is that all Autism’s fault? Simple, if it weren’t for the fact that Courtney has autism, Alyssa wouldn’t need the headphones that knocked over the pan. I hate myself all over again as I type this. How awful of me to blame autism for something silly like this. Especially because blaming autism sounds like I’m blaming Courtney.
Courtney should never be blamed for the extra stress Autism causes on our family. Autism is hard, but Courtney also shows us how beautiful it is. Let’s just say I’m ready for school to be back in session!