Three weeks in and we are still working hard at making this our new normal. Though not officially said, we are probably out of school until at least May so no use calling it a break any more. This is the New Normal.

Girls and Joe are currently on their “spring break” while I’m officially starting remote learning for my students and Teletherapy is in full swing for Courtney.

Today was the hardest and most exhausting day I have ever experienced as an educator. This is such a new way of teaching. My students require so much 1 to 1, hands on, direct instruction to learn new skills and here we are not even able to see them. Yes, we have the ability to virtually see them but that’s not the same. Meanwhile, we have to do this while running a household. I felt so bad today as my children spent most of the day on an iPad. Yep, I said it! That’s what they were doing! I really hope didn’t even have time to comprehend what was being said at the meetings I was logged into because at the same time I was trying to help Joe with the girls. Tonight you will find me working late to finally wrap my head around all I was told today so I can start “teaching” my students tomorrow.

As I said, teletherapy is in full swing. How is it going? I need to lower my expectations on how I want it to look like on my side during a session. I want it to look like I have complete control of Courtney (and Alyssa). I want it to look like she’s not missing a beat even though she’s not physically with her therapists. But that is not a realistic expectation at all. And the therapists are like family so pretty sure aren’t judging how my parenting skills are. Considering how different this all is, the sessions are going well. The hard part has been how aggressive she is during them. My right arm is covered with scratches and bruises. It’s hard to see her so frustrated but I keep reminding myself that her world has been turn upside down. Once she realizes this is our new normal, it will get better.

The picture I’m sharing is the three of us making teletherapy work on our stair steps. That just happened to be where Courtney wanted to be at that time. So, we made it work!

Tomorrow is another day and maybe it will feel a tad bit more normal.

There are some of you out there that just finished a week or 2 of e-learning either as a parent or an educator. Congratulations, you did it! You students/children are probably finally reaching “spring break”. I know it’s not the “spring break” that may have been planned but it’s a break away from the e-learning. Enjoy it!

Some of you are about to start this e-learning thing either as a parent or an educator or maybe even both like me. I wish you luck. It’s hard. It’s exhausting! It’s juggling a couple full time jobs all at once. My tip to the teachers…don’t expect the kids to be “learning” every minute. Don’t feel like you have to share with them everything you would if they were physically at school, I’m here to tell you, it’s too much. My tip to the parents…EVERY child is in the same boat, EVERY child is missing out on precious school time. The most important thing to remember is your family and their health are MOST important and that includes mental health!

For the special needs parents…I feel the extra fear you have because I have it too. You fear every day your child goes without school is another day where you may see regression. You also can’t help but think how hard it is to regain those skills. You are thinking about how hard your child had to work to make the gains they made so far this school this year and now there’s nothing. You are probably also asking how their goals and minutes will be met during this thing called e-learning. I’m scared for my daughter as I’m sure you are too. Again, we are all in this together. It won’t be easy but I think as special needs parents we will have to accept goals may not be met, minutes may look different but when this is all over, everyone will work that much harder to get all children back to where they need to be.

I think what I am trying to get across here is remember the most important thing right now is family. Nothing is more important than that. Stay healthy, stay happy and we are all in this together!

Today was filled with some cool moments and some pretty rough moments. We have officially hit the point where Courtney is starting to act out due to the change in ALL routines. During summer break we at least have the routine of therapies both at clinic and at home. She also still has several weeks where she has the routine of summer school. During winter break we at least have co distant I’m home therapies. During spring break again, we have the consistency of the home therapies. During COVID-19 break, as of this week, we are 2 weeks into no school and now have lost the consistency of both in-home and clinic based therapies. All three things that help ground her have either have been stripped from her or changed drastically. There are now bruises, bite marks and scratches on all 4 of us to show how much this is effecting her.

I really try hard to stay positive. There’s a few people that have heard from me in the midst of some of the hardest moments these past 2 weeks but I try to make it just that, a vent then I try to move forward. Today I was sure I was going to lose it. Every effort I took to complete e-learning in the morning was met with lots of resistance by both girls. The afternoon didn’t start off much better. After watching Courtney bite herself several times I decided to give up on the e-learning and do our new favorite quarantine activity. “Pool” time for the win!

Everyone was much happier after the “swim” break so I decided to brave some activities once again but I decided to repeat ones I knew they enjoyed the first time. Taking turns with a puzzle while labeling letters was a huge success again! I then worked on counting. Mommy win!

A co-worker reminded me today that at school when a child isn’t regulated, we usually reduce the demand some how. No sense challenging them when they aren’t regulated enough to perform. She is right…I have to remember that. It’s not about how much of the e-leaning we get through. It’s about surviving this insanely confusing and scary time and being happy!

Last week the governor of Illinois mandated that insurances cover telehealth during this time. In short, telehealth is virtual healthcare including therapy. This is huge for families like us. It makes it so Courtney can continue her private therapies (Speech, Feeding, Occupational and Physical) in the safety of our own home. After having to jump through some additional hoops, it officially started this week!

We’ve had 3 of the 4 therapies already this week and I’m pleasantly surprised on how well Courtney handled it. Though I need to do a shout out to her therapists. YOU ARE AMAZING! Each of these sessions felt like such a workout and I consider myself in shape! Yes, the sessions went well but it took physical work. Chasing her down from another room, hand over hand assistance with some of the tasks, blocking the pinches, scratching and bites, the list goes on. Just another thank you for all those who work with Courtney. I LOVE OUR VILLAGE!

Low point…We are seeing more meltdowns over the change or lack of routine. Last night she had a brutal one around 9:30 pm that lasted until she crashed after 10 pm. We are also seeing extra anxiety out of Alyssa. Such a confusing time.

Highlight…I’m loving watching the girls work on e-learning together. Today we did a shape hunt, Alyssa was SO excited. We got it all set and she started searching for different t shapes around the house. I had to help Courtney but as we did it she started to understand what was expected of her! It was so fun to watch! The best moment was at the end when I took a picture of them both by their collection of shapes. Alyssa has this pose she likes to do. Today when I say cheese, Courtney actually tried to imitate Alyssa! Picture perfect!!!!

Hope all are staying healthy!

How does recess look during e-learning? For Courtney it’s barefoot, playing in muddy puddles, and trying new daring moves! I’ve got this all under control. No need to send help..,just wine. And lots of it!

I went into week 2 of this isolation/e-learning/virus from hell state of life we are in with the mindset that I had to do things differently. I had such a negative mental switch last week as I tried to figure out our new normal of no school, less therapies, e- learning for both girls and planning for my own students and I couldn’t repeat it.

After talking to Courtney’s team and my own supervisors and then reading different things on social media I realized that The most important thing at this time is keeping me and my family both physically and emotionally healthy. This photo being shared on Facebook hit home…

What helped with changing my mind shift this week was knowing I was technically on spring break. I also decided that there is something more important than the e-learnings provided by Alyssa’s school. (If any of them are reading this, I greatly appreciate all you have put in too ok the e-learning.) What’s important for Alyssa right now is extra time with her parents and forming a bond with her sister. So…instead of treading through two different e-learning assignments, we are all treading through Courtney’s together as a team. You know what I’m already seeing just after 1 day? Not only is Alyssa helping Courtney but Courtney is helping Alyssa! I am watching them be sisters and peers. I have never been prouder!

I am still so nervous about the uncertainty of this time. We miss spending time with our loved ones. I miss my students and co-workers. We miss our normal schedule. But we’ve gotten through other difficult obstacles and we will get through this one too!

Today was our last session at Courtney’s therapy clinic until further notice. It is not our last therapy session though, thanks to teletherepy. I still cried. I cried tears of fear, anxiety, frustration, sadness and gratefulness.

I’m going to put the fear and anxiety aside for this post and make it all about what this clinic means to my family and why

This place has been amazing since the beginning of this pandemic keeping their families updated on the different precautions they were putting in place so they could keep these medically necessary therapies going. Giving families some consistency during this time of such uncertainty. But as of 2:00 pm today. Courtney and another child walked out being the ones to see the therapists in person. I think that’s why I cried.

We’ve been going to this place since Courtney was just weeks old. Several different therapists have helped us through different journeys of ours. The past couple years we’ve been going twice a week. You get to know the amazing staff to the point that they become like family. They’ve watched my girls grow up. Heck, they’ve helped them “grow up”!

But therapy is not put on hold. It will be very different and will take getting use to, but everyone can feel comfortable knowing they are safe in their own home. I will definitely share this new journey of virtual therapy. So stay tuned. But until then, a huge shout out to all those at BDI Playhouse! Thanks for being awesome!

A break from how we are surviving over here because honestly…it’s by a thread. Tonight it’s about two drawings by Alyssa.

The first picture is of Courtney. Notice the big “ears”? They aren’t ears though. They are her headphones. When she was drawing this picture Courtney was upset so Alyssa told me she was drawing a picture for her to make her happy. She told me she drew her headphones because that makes her happy.

I went back to trying to help Courtney. Once she was calm Alyssa handed me a new picture. It was the one of two people. I asked her who they were. She told me the smaller one was her and the bigger one was Courtney. She said, “Courtney’s big and she’s helping me because I’m little.”

I had to hold back the tears. See, shortly before this whole moment Alyssa had to play the big sister. She had to help me change Courtney’s diaper. She had to help change her 6 year old sister’s diaper. Courtney was being difficult and I needed her to hold Courtney’s hands so she wouldn’t touch her butt. Hearing her emphasize that in her picture Courtney was helping her just hit me. No, she doesn’t have the typical big sister to help her through things and I got emotional about that. But her big sister is teaching her something bigger. Her big sister is teaching her to be one hell of a little human being! That is something only Courtney can teach her.

I’m not feeling like I’m surviving. I’m overwhelmed and stressed. Trying to do e-learning for my girls who need constant supervision while also trying to create e-learning for my own students is a lot to handle. I think I’m just going to leave it at that. That is my low point today. This is tough and you can’t count down until the end. When will it end? No one knows.

For my high light…I want to give a shout out to the teachers who are trying to still provide as much of an education for their students even though they can’t be with them. The past two days I have received videos of the girl’s teachers saying hi to all the students. It was cool to see my girl’s faces when they saw them appear on the computer. I cried watching these videos because I get it. I miss my other children too, our students are our children and we miss them. To prove that we are completing these activities, we are to take pictures and videos and send them back. Here is the girls and I doing one of Courtney’s assignments…

Today was day 2 of e-learning for the girls. Day 1 was a flop because I went into having no idea what to expect. Day 2 was more successful. I am overwhelmed by the work their district put in to ensure learning is continuing through this crazy time.

I am finding this is helping the relationship between the girls some. Alyssa is wanting to do what Courtney is doing so they are actually sitting down and doing things together! It’s awesome!

Low points…honestly, it’s managing it all. There is just so much uncertainty, chaos and confusion in the world right now. Processing that all while recreating what normal looks like at home and trying to still give your students an education is beyond stressful. I would by lying if I said I’m handling this fine. I’m scared, stressed and overwhelmed. But I’m guessing I’m not a lone. Right?!

High point…we did it! We successfully did e-learning today! Did we do all that we were suppose to? No. But we did it and some fun was had too!

The other highlight of the day was a virtual birthday party for my twin sisters! A bunch of my family members have been hanging out every evening for a FaceTime chat. I look forward to this every evening. Listening to several of us sing happy birthday was truly priceless! Love you, family!