Some of my family members do a zoom call every evening. We joke how my participation is fleeting since I’m trying to manage the chaos in my house while chatting but no matter how chaotic I won’t miss it. There’s usually a chosen topic of the call. Topics range from trivia games, bingo, favorite something or something more thought provoking like, what is something “good” during this crazy time. That was last night’s topic. Last night I actually had difficulty coming up with something though I did and it truly is something I have been enjoying. Tonight, though, the “good” really hit me. But first let me recap the day…

Today was really hard. I mean REALLY hard! Both girls were in nasty moods. Courtney was very aggressive to both herself and me. We actually had an appointment today to get her fitted for a special needs stroller. (More on that to come.) We went to get in the car to head to our appointment and Courtney decided she wanted nothing to do with getting in the car. It took both Joe and I to carry her screaming, scratching and kicking body to the car and both of us to get her in. Her fight or flight was so high her strength was unreal. There was no buckling her so we gave in. We rescheduled our appointment.

Courtney is really thrown off by all of this as the whole world. What this does to a child like Courtney who thrives on a routine is unimaginable at times. I made it my goal this week to structure up things. So far it’s not working but things like this take time.

I let today get the best of me. I even got snippy over text message with friends from work. Thankfully, I have some awesome co-workers. One even let me cry with her.

Then came bedtime. The day left me feeling defeated. Out of nowhere Courtney decided to climb on my lap and snuggle with me. Alyssa, in a jealous manner, joined in. Soon it turned into tickles and climbing all over me. So there it is. There is the “good” in all of this. The girls are my “good”. Their innocence. Their smiles. Their laughter. Today was awful but in the end, they made me smile!

To my favorite set of siblings on this National Siblings Day…as much as I worry about your relationship and how it is so different than I thought it would be, I am able to see how special it truly is. You two are teaching each other more than words can say. Love you both to the moon and back!

Remote learning for two teachers and two children who need assistance to complete their remote learning is in full swing and let me tell ya…it’s hard as hell!

Today was probably one of the most difficult days of remote learning since it was booked with one meeting after another. I haven’t figured out zoom/google meetings while managing toddlers yet. It also included Courtney’s iep meeting and I held a meeting for one of my students. Can I just say, I miss the support of my village and I miss my school team. I finally broke down during a meeting with my team. I’m struggling managing this new normal as an autism parent/teacher, how are my families managing? I wish there was more I could do.

It was a tough day but then I get moments like in these pictures and I can’t help but smile. As hard as this all is I will never take for granted the extra time I’m having with the girls.

Teletherapy did not start off well at all but I think she is slowly but surely getting use to it. I’m even seeing some carryover! She never knew what to do when she saw family on FaceTime. Now she actually will say hi! Which is so nice since that’s the only way she is seeing family.

Today was feeding therapy. Do you allow food play in your house? Not only do we allow it, we encourage it. The food we are working on right now is dairy free yogurt. Today she painted with some that we added food coloring to. We got a few licks! We sure had fun, Ms. S!

We went for a family walk this morning to help me de-stress from remote teaching my own students and to keep the girls from climbing the walls. Courtney was getting agitated on the walk and Alyssa decided to take on the job of cheering her up from the bank seat. She started playing with her hair while singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Low and behold, Courtney was happy! I should add…I think Alyssa is officially the only one that can play with her hair. I’m not crying…I’m bawling! Absolutely love my girls!

Three weeks in and we are still working hard at making this our new normal. Though not officially said, we are probably out of school until at least May so no use calling it a break any more. This is the New Normal.

Girls and Joe are currently on their “spring break” while I’m officially starting remote learning for my students and Teletherapy is in full swing for Courtney.

Today was the hardest and most exhausting day I have ever experienced as an educator. This is such a new way of teaching. My students require so much 1 to 1, hands on, direct instruction to learn new skills and here we are not even able to see them. Yes, we have the ability to virtually see them but that’s not the same. Meanwhile, we have to do this while running a household. I felt so bad today as my children spent most of the day on an iPad. Yep, I said it! That’s what they were doing! I really hope didn’t even have time to comprehend what was being said at the meetings I was logged into because at the same time I was trying to help Joe with the girls. Tonight you will find me working late to finally wrap my head around all I was told today so I can start “teaching” my students tomorrow.

As I said, teletherapy is in full swing. How is it going? I need to lower my expectations on how I want it to look like on my side during a session. I want it to look like I have complete control of Courtney (and Alyssa). I want it to look like she’s not missing a beat even though she’s not physically with her therapists. But that is not a realistic expectation at all. And the therapists are like family so pretty sure aren’t judging how my parenting skills are. Considering how different this all is, the sessions are going well. The hard part has been how aggressive she is during them. My right arm is covered with scratches and bruises. It’s hard to see her so frustrated but I keep reminding myself that her world has been turn upside down. Once she realizes this is our new normal, it will get better.

The picture I’m sharing is the three of us making teletherapy work on our stair steps. That just happened to be where Courtney wanted to be at that time. So, we made it work!

Tomorrow is another day and maybe it will feel a tad bit more normal.

There are some of you out there that just finished a week or 2 of e-learning either as a parent or an educator. Congratulations, you did it! You students/children are probably finally reaching “spring break”. I know it’s not the “spring break” that may have been planned but it’s a break away from the e-learning. Enjoy it!

Some of you are about to start this e-learning thing either as a parent or an educator or maybe even both like me. I wish you luck. It’s hard. It’s exhausting! It’s juggling a couple full time jobs all at once. My tip to the teachers…don’t expect the kids to be “learning” every minute. Don’t feel like you have to share with them everything you would if they were physically at school, I’m here to tell you, it’s too much. My tip to the parents…EVERY child is in the same boat, EVERY child is missing out on precious school time. The most important thing to remember is your family and their health are MOST important and that includes mental health!

For the special needs parents…I feel the extra fear you have because I have it too. You fear every day your child goes without school is another day where you may see regression. You also can’t help but think how hard it is to regain those skills. You are thinking about how hard your child had to work to make the gains they made so far this school this year and now there’s nothing. You are probably also asking how their goals and minutes will be met during this thing called e-learning. I’m scared for my daughter as I’m sure you are too. Again, we are all in this together. It won’t be easy but I think as special needs parents we will have to accept goals may not be met, minutes may look different but when this is all over, everyone will work that much harder to get all children back to where they need to be.

I think what I am trying to get across here is remember the most important thing right now is family. Nothing is more important than that. Stay healthy, stay happy and we are all in this together!

Today was filled with some cool moments and some pretty rough moments. We have officially hit the point where Courtney is starting to act out due to the change in ALL routines. During summer break we at least have the routine of therapies both at clinic and at home. She also still has several weeks where she has the routine of summer school. During winter break we at least have co distant I’m home therapies. During spring break again, we have the consistency of the home therapies. During COVID-19 break, as of this week, we are 2 weeks into no school and now have lost the consistency of both in-home and clinic based therapies. All three things that help ground her have either have been stripped from her or changed drastically. There are now bruises, bite marks and scratches on all 4 of us to show how much this is effecting her.

I really try hard to stay positive. There’s a few people that have heard from me in the midst of some of the hardest moments these past 2 weeks but I try to make it just that, a vent then I try to move forward. Today I was sure I was going to lose it. Every effort I took to complete e-learning in the morning was met with lots of resistance by both girls. The afternoon didn’t start off much better. After watching Courtney bite herself several times I decided to give up on the e-learning and do our new favorite quarantine activity. “Pool” time for the win!

Everyone was much happier after the “swim” break so I decided to brave some activities once again but I decided to repeat ones I knew they enjoyed the first time. Taking turns with a puzzle while labeling letters was a huge success again! I then worked on counting. Mommy win!

A co-worker reminded me today that at school when a child isn’t regulated, we usually reduce the demand some how. No sense challenging them when they aren’t regulated enough to perform. She is right…I have to remember that. It’s not about how much of the e-leaning we get through. It’s about surviving this insanely confusing and scary time and being happy!

Last week the governor of Illinois mandated that insurances cover telehealth during this time. In short, telehealth is virtual healthcare including therapy. This is huge for families like us. It makes it so Courtney can continue her private therapies (Speech, Feeding, Occupational and Physical) in the safety of our own home. After having to jump through some additional hoops, it officially started this week!

We’ve had 3 of the 4 therapies already this week and I’m pleasantly surprised on how well Courtney handled it. Though I need to do a shout out to her therapists. YOU ARE AMAZING! Each of these sessions felt like such a workout and I consider myself in shape! Yes, the sessions went well but it took physical work. Chasing her down from another room, hand over hand assistance with some of the tasks, blocking the pinches, scratching and bites, the list goes on. Just another thank you for all those who work with Courtney. I LOVE OUR VILLAGE!

Low point…We are seeing more meltdowns over the change or lack of routine. Last night she had a brutal one around 9:30 pm that lasted until she crashed after 10 pm. We are also seeing extra anxiety out of Alyssa. Such a confusing time.

Highlight…I’m loving watching the girls work on e-learning together. Today we did a shape hunt, Alyssa was SO excited. We got it all set and she started searching for different t shapes around the house. I had to help Courtney but as we did it she started to understand what was expected of her! It was so fun to watch! The best moment was at the end when I took a picture of them both by their collection of shapes. Alyssa has this pose she likes to do. Today when I say cheese, Courtney actually tried to imitate Alyssa! Picture perfect!!!!

Hope all are staying healthy!

How does recess look during e-learning? For Courtney it’s barefoot, playing in muddy puddles, and trying new daring moves! I’ve got this all under control. No need to send help..,just wine. And lots of it!