I went into week 2 of this isolation/e-learning/virus from hell state of life we are in with the mindset that I had to do things differently. I had such a negative mental switch last week as I tried to figure out our new normal of no school, less therapies, e- learning for both girls and planning for my own students and I couldn’t repeat it.

After talking to Courtney’s team and my own supervisors and then reading different things on social media I realized that The most important thing at this time is keeping me and my family both physically and emotionally healthy. This photo being shared on Facebook hit home…

What helped with changing my mind shift this week was knowing I was technically on spring break. I also decided that there is something more important than the e-learnings provided by Alyssa’s school. (If any of them are reading this, I greatly appreciate all you have put in too ok the e-learning.) What’s important for Alyssa right now is extra time with her parents and forming a bond with her sister. So…instead of treading through two different e-learning assignments, we are all treading through Courtney’s together as a team. You know what I’m already seeing just after 1 day? Not only is Alyssa helping Courtney but Courtney is helping Alyssa! I am watching them be sisters and peers. I have never been prouder!

I am still so nervous about the uncertainty of this time. We miss spending time with our loved ones. I miss my students and co-workers. We miss our normal schedule. But we’ve gotten through other difficult obstacles and we will get through this one too!

Today was our last session at Courtney’s therapy clinic until further notice. It is not our last therapy session though, thanks to teletherepy. I still cried. I cried tears of fear, anxiety, frustration, sadness and gratefulness.

I’m going to put the fear and anxiety aside for this post and make it all about what this clinic means to my family and why

This place has been amazing since the beginning of this pandemic keeping their families updated on the different precautions they were putting in place so they could keep these medically necessary therapies going. Giving families some consistency during this time of such uncertainty. But as of 2:00 pm today. Courtney and another child walked out being the ones to see the therapists in person. I think that’s why I cried.

We’ve been going to this place since Courtney was just weeks old. Several different therapists have helped us through different journeys of ours. The past couple years we’ve been going twice a week. You get to know the amazing staff to the point that they become like family. They’ve watched my girls grow up. Heck, they’ve helped them “grow up”!

But therapy is not put on hold. It will be very different and will take getting use to, but everyone can feel comfortable knowing they are safe in their own home. I will definitely share this new journey of virtual therapy. So stay tuned. But until then, a huge shout out to all those at BDI Playhouse! Thanks for being awesome!

A break from how we are surviving over here because honestly…it’s by a thread. Tonight it’s about two drawings by Alyssa.

The first picture is of Courtney. Notice the big “ears”? They aren’t ears though. They are her headphones. When she was drawing this picture Courtney was upset so Alyssa told me she was drawing a picture for her to make her happy. She told me she drew her headphones because that makes her happy.

I went back to trying to help Courtney. Once she was calm Alyssa handed me a new picture. It was the one of two people. I asked her who they were. She told me the smaller one was her and the bigger one was Courtney. She said, “Courtney’s big and she’s helping me because I’m little.”

I had to hold back the tears. See, shortly before this whole moment Alyssa had to play the big sister. She had to help me change Courtney’s diaper. She had to help change her 6 year old sister’s diaper. Courtney was being difficult and I needed her to hold Courtney’s hands so she wouldn’t touch her butt. Hearing her emphasize that in her picture Courtney was helping her just hit me. No, she doesn’t have the typical big sister to help her through things and I got emotional about that. But her big sister is teaching her something bigger. Her big sister is teaching her to be one hell of a little human being! That is something only Courtney can teach her.

I’m not feeling like I’m surviving. I’m overwhelmed and stressed. Trying to do e-learning for my girls who need constant supervision while also trying to create e-learning for my own students is a lot to handle. I think I’m just going to leave it at that. That is my low point today. This is tough and you can’t count down until the end. When will it end? No one knows.

For my high light…I want to give a shout out to the teachers who are trying to still provide as much of an education for their students even though they can’t be with them. The past two days I have received videos of the girl’s teachers saying hi to all the students. It was cool to see my girl’s faces when they saw them appear on the computer. I cried watching these videos because I get it. I miss my other children too, our students are our children and we miss them. To prove that we are completing these activities, we are to take pictures and videos and send them back. Here is the girls and I doing one of Courtney’s assignments…

Today was day 2 of e-learning for the girls. Day 1 was a flop because I went into having no idea what to expect. Day 2 was more successful. I am overwhelmed by the work their district put in to ensure learning is continuing through this crazy time.

I am finding this is helping the relationship between the girls some. Alyssa is wanting to do what Courtney is doing so they are actually sitting down and doing things together! It’s awesome!

Low points…honestly, it’s managing it all. There is just so much uncertainty, chaos and confusion in the world right now. Processing that all while recreating what normal looks like at home and trying to still give your students an education is beyond stressful. I would by lying if I said I’m handling this fine. I’m scared, stressed and overwhelmed. But I’m guessing I’m not a lone. Right?!

High point…we did it! We successfully did e-learning today! Did we do all that we were suppose to? No. But we did it and some fun was had too!

The other highlight of the day was a virtual birthday party for my twin sisters! A bunch of my family members have been hanging out every evening for a FaceTime chat. I look forward to this every evening. Listening to several of us sing happy birthday was truly priceless! Love you, family!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! To celebrate we went on a shamrock hunt in our neighborhood and some of my family members did a Group FaceTime call to share favorite Irish recipes. Definitely both highlights of the day.

The low…I almost didn’t blog today because over all I was just not having it. I was overwhelmed by the e-learning that was provided for my girls. Glad their teachers are providing stuff but not sure this will go for my girls. I went in today with no structure on how to handle it so it pretty much ended up a bust. Lesson learned. Lesson plans and schedule are set for tomorrow. Here’s to day 2 of homeschooling going much better.

The highs…One awesome part of today started at 7 a.m. Why 7 a.m.? Well…my girls actually let me sleep until 7 a.m.! I’m excited when we make it to 6:15 or 6:30 on a no school day. 7!!!!! Wow!!!! Thank you, girls!

As I mentioned in the beginning, we went on a shamrock hunt. I’m loving the walks we are going on. We use to take them all the time but our schedule hasn’t allowed us too during the school year. Definitely a plus side during this crazy time.

My last highlight of the day was taking these selfies with the girls. They are my world. I miss them so much while I’m at work. Another perk right now is being able to spend more time with them.

Today, in the world of COVID-19, we don’t have school, we can’t go eat at a restaurant, we can’t workout at our favorite gym, and my 9 siblings and I are officially too many people for a gathering. I think the hardest part of all of this is the unknown of how long it will last.

Today is technically the first day of school closing. Tomorrow our district starts e-learning. So starting tomorrow I’m going to try to keep somewhat of a schedule with the girls so we feel some sense of control during this scary time. What well that schedule look like? It’s still to be determined. How is it that I do this for a living yet when I’m home and expected to do it with my own children, I’m beyond overwhelmed?

Today’s low points…I decided today was the day that I talked to Alyssa about all that is going on. Courtney’s teacher actually shared a social story about the virus that is geared towards little children or children with special needs. It gives the basic information of what it is and why we will be off school. I was really nervous about this since Alyssa gets very anxious whenever you talk about Illnesses. As soon as the story mentioned the symptoms she started to panic and insisted I stopped reading. We did end up getting through the story and then we went on with our day. What was really difficult was hearing Alyssa ask to see her cousins. I explained to her why we couldn’t and she broke out into tears saying, “I’m not sick, I want to see them.” It broke my heart.

High points…it really was a good day. I felt like I was able to keep them busy and fun was had while doing it. One of my sisters shared with me a post she saw on Instagram. It’s an at home bucket list for kids. It’s a lost of ideas of fun things you can do at home. I decided to print it off and pick one thing to do off of it. Our fun thing today was water fun in the tub. They put their suits on and we played in the tub. They had a blast and they were having fun TOGETHER! It was truly priceless. I’ve decided I’m going to take as many pictures as I can during these few weeks and then make a photo album of it. Years from now we will look back and look at how much fun we had during such a scary time.

I want to end with a tip to those with family members you can’t see during this time. Find a way to video chat! A few of my family members have done it the past could days. It’s such a fun way to still spend time with your loved ones while practicing social distancing. It is probably what will get me through this.

Hope everyone is staying healthy!

In trying to figure out how I wanted to go about blogging during this crazy time I decided to follow suit of a favorite podcast of mine #themamabearpodcast. She ends each episode asking her guest three questions; are they sleeping, what was a defeat, and what was a win. I’m going to focus on 2 points for each of my posts. 1. What were the highlights of the day. 2. What were the low points of the day. Here we go!

The low points… I don’t want to dwell on the low points but I do think it is important to share why a time like this can be extra difficult for families with children with special needs. Meltdowns were had today by not only Courtney but me too. The two hardest ones happened in the car. We left the house to get lunch via drive thru at our two favorite places; Panera and McDonald’s. This is not our normal Sunday routine and Courtney knew that and therefore protested on and off. When we got back home with our food she cried about being home. She refused to get out of the car. It took me 10 minutes to literally pry her out of the car. She is as strong as on Ox, folks!

The other low point was at bedtime. Courtney insisted on leaving the house so I put her on the car and we drove around. Seeing her cry broke my heart. So early on in this break and she already is so confused. It just broke my heart.

The high points…one of the best parts of the day happened in the same car ride I said was a low point. Courtney kept ctying during the car ride at lunch time. At one point Alyssa says, “don’t cry Courtney. Here you can hold my hand.” When we stopped at the light I looked back and saw them holding hands. Oh Alyssa, you are wiser than your years and mommy loves you!

My other high point was receiving a text from one of Courtney’s therapists. A simple text asking how we were holding up. It came right after the car ride at bed time. It came just when I needed it. She proceeded to let me vent via text and shared some suggestions on how to help both girls through this break. Folks, the therapists we see aren’t just therapists. They become family. This particular one has been part of our team since Courtney was 2. Her check in meant the world to me. Thank you, S.T.! Love ya!

There really was a lot of other fun moments. We played, we went for a walk, I did a family FaceTime and actually sat on the couch for a few minutes. We will get through this!

Back when we were on Winter Break I blogged about how difficult breaks are for Courtney (and others with autism). During breaks there are changes in routines and less structure. A lot of different behaviors became a part of our life during winter break that we just recently felt like we recovered from. (Though Courtney is still sleeping in my bed.) Though it was a fun break it was also a tough break.

Well…here we are again. An unexpected and possibly very lengthy break. This break brings on additional challenges. Not only is she without school for several weeks but she could end up without therapies. Let’s just say Im just as concerned about the possible regression Courtney will make (and my sanity) as I am about catching this virus.

How am I going to make sure I don’t lose my sanity (who am I kidding, I lost that awhile ago) during this pandemic? I’m going to attempt to blog more. I’m going to share the ups and downs of being “locked up” with a husband going on serious sports withdrawal, a 6 year old with autism and a 4 year old “teenager”.

Until the next post….stay healthy all. And if you are another parent like me…good luck, we’ve got this!

I shared in a recent post that Courtney wondered out of the house and was missing long enough for the police to be called. The positive part of this awful incident was learning about a program that the city we live in has. As of Wednesday, Courtney is officially a part of the program. On her ankle you will see a transponder that she will wear 24/7. If she were to ever go missing in our town, the caregiver is to call 911 and tell them a fastrack client is missing. Police will then come to the location she was last seen with equipment. This equipment sends out signals to her transponder and in return the police will be able to see where she is located.

It was hard to get it on her at first but she is now tolerating it. We will probably look into a GPS at some point since that will work wherever we are but until then, we are glad we have this peace of mind at home.